Sleepless Night and fighting the inner demons

Damn this body

We all have sleepless nights. Mine strikes again. Suffering comes in many forms and affects us all in different ways. Some know how to cope and others struggle. Let it be known that we, brothers and sisters, are never truly at rest but must maintain our vigilance at keeping the inner demons at bay. If you haven’t already, shelf the pride, and get help. It nearly cost me not just my career but, more importantly, my family and my own well-being.

Why now? Why me? Is there ever rest?

These are common questions I ask myself for years and I know others as well. I slowly learned to accept my conditions, what I do and do not have control over. Still waiting for further treatments, but will that make my suffering end? Unfortunately not. But this is not all about gloom and hopelessness. It’s about fighting to win back your life and truly enjoy what you have. Enjoy each day the best you can. Enjoy time with family, friends, hobbies, or whatever floats your boat, so to speak!

There is help! Gotta have faith!

No, I will not break out into an old 80s song (older folks might get it), nor get all religious in this post, and I will not discount the effect that religion has on people either. Many people have found religion to help mend their tattered souls. For me, faith is more than just following a religious belief, but more of having hope and desire to see the better parts of life. I know that many find inspiration and hope in rebuilding old cars or woodworking (like myself). Despite the aches and pains, focus and enjoyment in something that you are passionate about can make all the difference. Whatever it might be, find passion in life, continue the drive, don’t give up, and take each day at a time.

Damn my body!

Yes, there will be good days and bad days. It’s not all peaches and cream every day but take solace in knowing that life has more to offer. Wounded Warrior Project is a great example of showing what veterans can do together to bring some enjoyment into their lives. Regardless of medical condition or physical ailments, there is something out there for everyone which can help you get through the day. I still curse my body at times due to my limitations. Once was in great shape and now walking with a cane in one hand, service dog leash in the other hand, and having to take breaks when walking for prolong periods of time. But my stubbornness wins out and I fight through the negative thoughts and emotions. I try to find enjoyment when I can. For me, that’s spending time with my family.

Time to wrap it up.

I think I said enough for now. Just had to get some thoughts outta my head and type them out. The daily struggle is real but it’s going to take a helluva lot more to take this salty pain in the ass down. I made it out of open heart surgery and lost my hearing in my right ear with vertigo (still hitting me from time to time), all in several months timeframe, I consider my self lucky. It sucked but at least I am getting treatment to better my quality of life. Anyways. So much for now. Needed to vent. Will continue to do my best with making posts when I can. Take care all. Please take a moment to check out my other pages for useful information, Veterans Resources and Links for Mental Health Resources.

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